Canadian English Eh!!!

Canadian language is unique as they use slang to say things faster, unlike American slang which aims to make the speaker appear ‘cool’. Canadians use slang to speak as little as possible as their mouths freeze in the harsh winters.
For example, “two-four” means 24 beers (Australian translation; ‘a carton’). Incidentally, the handles on Canadian six-packs are huge, so you can fit a mitten through it. Canadians would also say ‘toque’ not ‘knitted woolen hat’ as the words take to long to say and would freeze in their mouths.

‘Eh’ is a popular phrase. It is more of a sound than a word. It seems to be a version of the Australian ‘ay’. The Canadian ‘Eh’ - (pronounced "ey", as in "hey" or "hay") is a word you add to the end of a sentence, to ask for a response of agreement or disagreement, similar in meaning to "don't you think?", or "right?" ("Looks like a storm comin' in, eh?").
It is also sometimes used with "I know", and in that case it doesn't really mean anything. ("Wow, the Calgary Flames really kicked butt tonight!" -"I know, eh?").
For example, a Canadian might say "That's really far, eh?" In that case the Canadian isn't asking if a person agrees, they are using the word to emphasize what they just said. The common Canadian response to "That's really far, eh?" is usually "I know, eh?" Again, it's used more for emphasis in this case. Confused? Well, hold on, because it gets even more complex.Canadians have managed to include the word "eh" into pretty much every sentence. It's quite common for a conversation like the one above to degenerate into a series of "ehs" that become increasingly meaningless but still important.
"That's really far, eh?"
"I know, eh?"
"You should leave now, eh?"
"I guess I should, eh?"
"I've been there before, eh?"
"Eh?"
"Yeah. It's really nice there, eh?"
"Maybe I should take a camera, eh?"
"You should, eh."
"It's a nice day, eh?"
"We've had a nice week, eh?"
"Eh?"
"I said 'we've had a nice week, eh?'"
"Oh yeah."
"Eh?"
"Eh?"
"Eh."
"Beers?"
"EH!"

A non-Canadian looking at the exchange above would consider the usage of "eh" ridiculous and unnecessary. A Canadian would wonder why there weren't a couple more "ehs" in there.

Canuckistan

Canada, also known as America Lite, America’s Frosted Hat, Canuckistan, Canuckland, or Canadia, is situated slightly south of the North Pole. Canada is the USA’s largest national park, and tourist attraction.

Canada is a ‘clothes line nation.’ The Canadian population is strung out along the US border with an occasional cluster along the way. It is said that 90% of the Canadian population is squashed into the more hospitable 300km wide ribbon running parallel to the 6500km long border with the USA. Therefore Canadians are often stereotyped as polite, unarmed Americans in winter clothes.
The world sees Canada as America’s strange half brother, (although Canada sees the USA as a retarded cousin.) Canada and the USA share a common mother, that being England. But, while America’s father was apparently of divine origin, Canada’s was France.
While little brother Canada may not be considered as “cool” as older half-brother America, Canada can at least find itself on a map (of course, Canada finds itself by locating the USA and going north, much like Mexicans find America by locating Mexico and going north).

Detroit Pistons v Indiana Pacers

Detroit Red Wings

The most dangerous food ever invented

Recently I was in Houston, Texas and while there I discovered the most dangerous food known to man ... deep fried twinkies.

In terms of nutritional value, this delectable deep fried piece of sponge cake, retains no service at all to the healthy maintenance of human bodies. However, this sweet concoction of cardiac concern makes you simply not care after the first bite. After the second bite you are suddenly over weight. When I savored the last bite and there was nothing of the twinkie left but the paper container, a long, pointy skewer, and icing all over my shirt and mouth. I cannot truly express how good it was. On a scale of one to ten, it was a twelve. Incredible. Amazing. And probably enough fat and calories to clog every one of my arteries….twice.

For those of you who are not familiar with deep fried twinkies; take some sponge cake with a vallina cream centre, dip it in pancake batter (so it's sweet, not salty like a corndog), then deep fry the whole thing. Coat it in icing sugar and say then a few kind words to your heart for what you're about to subject it to.

I was going to find out how many calories is in one of these but my aorta wants to explode just thinking about it.

This explains why 61% of Texans are over weight. The American Obesity Society lists Houston, Dallas and San Antonio in their "Top 10 Overweight Cities", with Houston ranking number one.

Houston

Toronto Maple Leafs

Two guys from Toronto die and wake up in hell.
The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and toques warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, “What are you doing? Isn’t it hot enough for you?”The two guys reply, “Well, you know, we’re from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We’re just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh.”
The devil decides that these two aren’t miserable enough and turns up the heat.
The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in parkas, toques and mittens. The devil asks them again, “It’s awfully hot down here, can’t you guys feel it?”
Again the two guys reply, “Well, like we told ya yesterday, we’re from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We’re just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh.”
This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix these two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the two guys from Canada and finds them in light jackets and bucket hats, grilling sausage and drinking beer.
The devil is astonished, “Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves.”
The two Canadians reply, “Well, ya know, we don’t get too much warm weather up there in Toronto so we’ve just got to have a cook-out when the weather’s THIS nice.”
The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in hell.
The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere; people are shivering so bad that they are unable to do anything but wail, moan and gnash their teeth.
The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two Canadians.
He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, toques, and mittens. NOW they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men!!!
The devil is dumbfounded, “I don’t understand, when I turn up the heat you’re happy. Now it’s freezing cold and you’re still happy. What is wrong with you two???”
The Torontonians look at the devil in surprise, “Well, don’t you know? If Hell freezes over, it must mean the Leafs have won the Stanley Cup.”

Quebec City

Quebec is the dutiful daughter of a European motherland. Pristine green pastures and towering forests are sprinkled with bronze church spires and picture perfect sidewalk cafes.
It is North America’s only walled city north of Mexico City. The whole old city is a World Heritage site and it celebrated its 400th birthday in 2008. Established by the French, ‘Kebec,’ is the Algonquian word meaning ‘the river narrows here’ referring to the St Lawrence River.

It seems like Quebec has wanted to leave Canada since the minute Canada was formed. In fact, when Canada created a new constitution in 1982, Quebec refused to sign it. They still have not signed.

Mont Sainte Anne

Ice Hotel

Windsor

Sarnia

Driving Canada Crazy

The road rules in Canada is sort of like trying to understand the lyrics to Led Zeppelins’ ‘Stairway to Heaven’. Everyone has their own interpretation. This makes for some interesting driving, especially as my interpretation is very different to everyone else.

Here is what I have learnt about driving in Canada so far:
- Canadians drive on the right of the road.
- In the province of Quebec, roadsigns are written in French.
- They have aircraft to detect speeding cars.
- It is legal to turn right on a red light.
- Many busy intersections are four (or three) way stops. They have no traffic lights, but have four stop signs instead. You must stop and let everyone that stopped before you go first. If two cars arrive at the intersection at the same time, the car to the right has precedence (As an Australian this particular rule does not apply to me and I will always have right of way and do not have to stop. And I don’t.).

The Canadian Navy